


My Brother Satori

by Bex_John



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU where everything is the same but different, Abuse, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Protective Older Brothers, Protective Siblings, Shiratorizawa goes to Nationals, Sibling Love, Tendou Satori is an amazing older brother, Tendou has a sister, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27495289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bex_John/pseuds/Bex_John
Summary: Growing up in the Tendou home was never fun and games, it was perfection and pain. Satori Tendo takes it upon himself to care for his younger sister when life at home gets a little to hard. Ushijima is unsurprisingly calm what the girl shows up out of the blue at their school and helps Satori to make sure she is safe.Please read the tags, this fic talks a lot about: food and the starts of an eating disorder, Mental Abuse of a minor, Panic/Anxiety attacks, and a bad family life. I don't think I go into a lot of details about it but it is the main focus of this fic. So please keep that in mind and proceed with caution.
Kudos: 14





	My Brother Satori

**Author's Note:**

> Like the summary says, this fic talks a lot about some heavy topics. Please read the summary and the tags and proceed with caution.

Name: Sayaka Tendou

Age: 13

DOB: October 10 1999

Hair: Red

Eyes: Red

Height: 5’5”

* * *

I made myself as small as possible as I slowly opened the door to the volleyball gym, poking my head in and staring around trying hard to find my older brother. Before I knew what was happening he was in front of me, “Sayaka, is everything okay?” I looked up at him, suddenly feeling very small and secure as I stepped out from behind the door and wrapped my arms around his middle.

I didn’t notice that a few others had staggered over to form a small crowd around us, it wasn’t until I heard whispers behind Satori’s back that I really realized we weren’t alone, “since when is Tendou popular with the ladies?” “She’s a bit young for him, don’t you think?” “I wonder where she came from?” I buried my face a little further into my brother's chest, wanting to get away from all of the noise.

“That’s his sister.” Boomed the slightly familiar voice of Ushijima, my brother's best friend, as he lay on the floor, stretching. I had only spoken to him a few times over the summer on the phone when hiding in Satori’s room. That seemed to quiet everyone else down, “We need to finish proper cool downs before dinner.” I felt my brother nod before pushing me out of the gym and leading me across campus to his dorm in silence.

“What happened this time? More yelling?” He sat me on his bed and started digging through his dresser for a change of clothes that I could wear, “Yeah… It was getting bad…” I looked down at my knees and played with the bottom of my school uniform, “please don’t make me go back tonight…” He turned back to me and handed me the change of clothes, “Okay. At least for tonight. Do you think they know you’re even gone yet?” I shook my head and put the clothes in my lap as he started moving around the room to gather his own things for a shower.

“No. But I left a note that I was leaving. I didn’t put where I was going. I doubt they’ll even see it…” He hummed softly and walked back to his door, “Then we won’t worry about it. I’m gonna shower, you’re gonna get changed, and we’re gonna go have a nice dinner okay?” I nodded again and was soon left alone in the foreign room, changing quickly into the much-too-large for me clothes and sitting back on his bed, waiting until he came back.

I didn’t have to wait long before he was back and leading me to the cafeteria. I practically hid myself behind him and let him lead me through the line, being handed a tray for him to load with food and then following him to a table with Ushijima, the rest of the team hadn’t come down from their rooms yet.

“So Ushiwaka, have you finished with my shonen jump yet?” we sat across from the stoic man as Satori separated the food on the tray into a pile for myself and a pile for him before looking back up, “or have you not finished reading all of the ads yet?”

“No.” Was his simple response and I looked between the two of them as Ushijima didn’t even look up from his plate of food. In the blink of an eye, there was another boy sitting across from me, his dark bowl cut looking out of place, “Hi, I’m Goshiki. I’m a first year here and I’m gonna be the ace once Ushijima graduates. What’s your name?” He spoke quickly and I looked down at my food, moving closer to Satori’s side, trying to make myself small again.

Satori looked over at me and then up at Goshiki, “Ah. This is my sister, Sayaka. She’s a third year in middle school, so only a year younger than you Goshiki.” He nudged me gently with his elbow and I scooted back over just a little before looking back up at the man with the bowl cut.

“It’s nice to meet you Sayaka-Chan, do you think you’ll come to Shiratorizawa next year? Do you also play volleyball?” I looked down at the table and picked at my food a little but not eating, conscious of my brother watching out of the corner of his eye. “No… I don’t play any sports. And… I don’t know where I’m going to school next year.”

“You should totally come here and cheer us on!” Goshiki exclaimed, finally starting to eat himself. The sudden outburst had me jumping and I grabbed onto my brother’s sleeve, squeezing my eyes shut hard, “I’m sorry… was it something I said…?” Goshiki lowered his fork and looked between us, blinking in bewilderment.

“You should leave us now Goshiki.” Ushijima was looking over at me as he addressed the younger man and Satori worked on prying my fingers free from his shirt. Without another word Goshiki gathered up his tray and rushed off to sit with the rest of the team at another table. My brother sighed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’s okay Sayaka. Not everyone here is loud. Goshiki is just a little… excitable. Come on, just eat something and then we can go to bed okay? Calm down a little and eat. Maybe I can find you some chocolate huh?” I nodded again slowly, taking a deep breath and trying to calm myself back down, “Sorry Satori…”

“Don’t be sorry, just eat okay? You need to eat something.” He looked up at Ushijima and I didn’t miss the slightly worried look that crossed his face. I flexed my fingers to try and relax the stiffness that was starting in my joints before looking back at my meal, eating little bits of this or that but not paying much attention to what I was eating and going into autopilot.

The few bites I took seemed to be enough for my brother because he turned back to Ushijima and the rest of dinner flowed without incident. I stood and followed them to throw out our trash and was led out of the dinning area, holding onto the back of Satori’s shirt. “We’re gonna make a stop on the way back to my room okay? Ushiwaka has an extra mattress that we can use tonight.” I gripped his shirt a little more and nodded again, looking up at Ushijima as we followed the quiet man back across campus, to his room. His strong and quiet presence was comforting and people seemed to just move out of his way.

I tucked myself against the wall when we got into the room, staying out of the way. Ushijima went over to his closet to take the extra mattress out and Satori went over to the desk, opening one of the drawers and grabbing a handful of something out of it and stuffing it in his pocket before I was being lead back out of the room to go back to my brother’s room where I sat on his bed as the two set up the extra mattress on the floor. “Did you get your school work done Sayaka? Or do you need to use the desk and get some studying done?” I shook my head, “no. I got it all done already…” He nodded, “Are you tired? Are you ready for bed?” I shrugged a little and nodded, “I could sleep.” I tugged at the oversized shirt uncomfortably as Ushijima left the room.

Satori sighed softly again and knelt in front of me, rubbing my arm gently and trying to get me to look at him. “Hey, I snagged you something. Don’t tell Ushiwaka, I took it from his private stash.” He winked and took the chocolate from his pocket, pressing it into my hands gently, “and tomorrow we’ll have a nice, quiet breakfast. It’s a weekend so we can sleep in, no need to rush getting up.” I smiled softly and opened one of the chocolates before looking up at him, “thank you Satori. I’m sorry I just… showed up here…” He squeezed my arm before standing up again, “It’s okay. I’m glad it was here and not just out on the streets. I’m always gonna be here for you okay?” I got off his bed so he could lay down and sat on the mattress on the floor, eating another bit of chocolate before laying down.

With the lights off, Satori was quick to fall asleep. But I lay up most of the night, stomach churning and mind racing. I knew that when I finally returned home my parents would be furious that I left and that it would lead to more fighting. I rolled over and squeezed my eyes shut, curling up and trying to focus on Satori’s snoring instead of my racing thoughts.

I didn’t understand, I was a relatively good student, I hoped to be placed into the college prep class for whatever highschool I attended. I was average looking, apart from my bright red hair that was a family trait. Not too skinny, or too tall. I wasn’t athletic but that didn’t mean I wasn’t without talent. But it seemed that no matter what I did my parents were never satisfied. That’s always what they argued about. My future. Sometimes Satori’s, but mostly it was what I was going to do. Like I wasn’t allowed to have a say.

I did eventually fall into a light, uneasy sleep that left me tired still the next day when Satori tried to quietly get up. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes, looking up at him through squinted eyes because of the sun, “Sorry Saya. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He reached over and patted my head gently before getting up to get fresh clothes. “Come on, let's get something to eat before I take you home.” I flopped back onto the mattress with a little huff, groaning softly and covering my eyes with my forearm. He laughed softly and tapped my shoulder with his foot, “come on. Not much longer and you can apply for a school like this with a dorm and make some pretty amazing friends too. Just… You gotta get through this first okay?” I moved my arm and looked up at him again before rolling off the mattress and on to the floor, standing.

“Fine. But I’m not hungry…” He looked me over warily before nodding, “Well… just indulge me will you? Besides, I’m supposed to be meeting with Ushiwaka. He usually goes for a run in the morning and our house is far enough away. He’s gonna come with us.” I gathered my uniform and school things from the day before and dragged my feet into his little bathroom. “Fine…” I rolled my eyes at him before closing the door to change.

That was Satori’s way of saying he was worried about getting me home, if Ushijima was coming with us. _Bodyguard_ is what came to mind. I finished changing and splashed water on my face in the sink quickly before leaving the bathroom, taking my bag from Satori as he stood waiting for me. He started rambling on about some new Jump magazine he was supposed to be getting as we went to the dinning hall but I had started picking anxiously at my nail beds and stopped listening.

“Ahh, here’s the miracle boyo,” Satori put his hands behind his head as we walked up to Ushijima, “we’re just gonna get breakfast. Have you eaten? Care to join us?” Ushijima nodded and followed us through the line for food, eyeing anyone who gave us strange looks. Satori was too focused on gathering food to notice, but the whole ordeal of being looked down on by strangers made me step closer to my brother, “Can we please be quick about this Satori? I don’t like it here…” I felt my eyes start to sting with unshed tears when Ushijima stepped right in front of us to block me from view.

“We can eat outside.” My brother nodded to him and collected the tray as we went to find a place to sit and eat, I sniffed softly and rubbed at my eyes, not sitting when we got to one of the outdoor tables. “Come on Sayaka, we’ve got a long walk home.” Satori reached for my arm to make me sit but I pulled away, “I don’t want to go back. I can’t…” I shook my head and stepped away from the table a little. That’s when Satori stood and started walking towards me.

“Sayaka I get it. I understand I really do. I’ve watched you start to practically wilt and wither away in front of me! But what can I do? What would you have me do? At least at home… I know mom and dad aren’t the best but… At least if you’re there I know where you are. I won’t be worried about you being out on the streets. Do you want me to start coming home on the weekends if I don’t have games or practice?” He looked completely lost as I started backing away from him, “I don’t know! But please don’t make me go back there…”

He ran a hand down his face, sighing heavily. “Then what do you propose we do Sayaka? You can’t live here. I’m probably going to be in enough trouble that you were here last night. And I’m not going to let you go into the care of the system when I’m so close to graduating. Please Sayaka I need you to just… Hold on a little longer okay?” That’s when I saw the sparkle of tears in his eyes and lowered my head, letting him reach for my hand and drag me back to the table.

He sat next to me, pushing a small plate of food over. “Eat.” he ordered before leaning his head into his hand with another heavy sigh so he could gather himself. I frowned at the rice and fish as I picked at it but made no move to actually eat it, my head starting to spin again with my mother's words ‘ _You could stand to lose a few pounds. You’re starting to get pudgy around the middle dear maybe cut back and start a diet_ ’ and I pushed the plate away.

“Do you not like the food here?” Ushijima looked down at me as he finished his breakfast. I shook my head a little, “It’s not that. I’m sure it’s good… I’m just not hungry…” As if to betray me my stomach rumbled loudly and I blushed, “Is it perhaps your family?” He lowered his chopsticks and looked between Satori and myself, I nodded stiffly and looked away because I could feel Satori’s eyes on me again.

“It’s mom isn’t it? She’s talking nonsense about your weight again.” It wasn’t a question. I bit my lip and tried to scramble back up from my seat when he grabbed my wrist so I couldn’t move, “Sayaka, look at me. Is she why you haven’t been eating again? I thought we got past this…” his voice wasn’t harsh and I knew he was just trying to understand but I couldn’t articulate it. My lower lip quivered and I tried to pry my arm free from him, “Let go…” it was a weak attempt.

“No, not until you actually talk to me. What the hell is going on?”

“You wouldn’t understand!”

“Then try and help me understand!” he gripped my wrist a little tighter before taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry… Just… Talk to me. I might not understand everything but… I can’t help if I don’t know what’s happening. And I won’t know what’s happening if you don’t tell me…”

I looked over at Ushijima uncomfortably before turning back to Satori and slowly sitting back down with him, “you realize I’m a girl right…? And with that… Comes… Some things… That happens to me but not to you.” He let my wrist go when I was sitting and pushed the plate of food back over to me, “Sayaka if you’re talking about menstruation then that’s more reason you need to eat.” He leveled me with a stair, “Think I didn’t take sex ed? Of course I did. Is that what this is all about?”

I blushed down at the food uncomfortably, “Yes… And no…” I picked at the fish a little, taking a small bite, “I’m starting to… develop, as young women do and mother doesn’t like it. I know it’s stupid but… Every time I think I’m hungry I can hear her in the back of my mind telling me that I’m getting fat. Or that I need to cut back on one thing or another. I know… there’s healthier ways to deal with it but…” I closed my eyes tight to stop from crying again as he rubbed my back gently, “Screw her. Okay? You don’t have to worry about what she’s saying. Just worry about you and keeping yourself healthy. I know it’s easier said than done, getting her voice out of your head. But you need to do something for you for once,” He shoveled a little more fish into my plate, “and if you want to eat something, you eat it. Let her talk. She’s just jealous that she doesn’t look like us. We were blessed with dad's fast metabolism.” He nudged me gently and smiled softly when I finally started eating in earnest.

The rest of breakfast went by with Satori rambling on about his Jump Magazine, once again, and me stealing some more food from his plate that he would pretend to not notice. I hadn’t looked at Ushijima since sitting back down so when he spoke again I nearly jumped, “Come. We should be going.” He stood with his trash and waited for us to follow, “Always so forward Ushiwaka.” Satori smiled and collected our things, waiting for me to stand and follow. I shouldered my school bag slowly and stood on slightly wobbling legs before following after them and grabbing onto the sleeve of my brother's sweater.

Satori has his own set of problems with his body image and how he sees himself. We were both thin built, scrawny almost and lanky. But he always hid himself away under bulky sweaters even in the summertime because he thought he was too skinny, no matter how much he ate. I almost envied him for that and lost myself in thought as I fell into step with the two of them on the long walk home, eyes turned down to the pavement and watching my feet move under me, listening to our shoes against the sidewalk and my brother ramble on with endless energy as he asked Ushijima questions about what he thought he would do in the future.

Suddenly my head started to feel full with the sound of buzzing bees but my body didn’t react to it, it just moved along the sidewalk. I’m dizzy, I realize, but I don’t sway or lose my balance as my eyes move, unfocused, trying to take in something. I feel like I’m floating, but also like I’m sinking. Like I could blow away with the next gust of wind, or that it may just go right through me and leave me rooted when my next foot falls. The only thing keeping me even remotely grounded was my brothers sleeve, and I have never felt more thankful that he always wore those dumb sweaters as he unknowingly dragged me along the sidewalk like a balloon on a string.

Though the walk home was long, it felt like we were standing at the gates to our parents home in no time. Only my aching feet registered to my brain that we hadn’t teleported there. And suddenly I was hyperventilating again. Ushijima paused as he pushed the gate open and turned back to Satori and I, “I’m sure it will all be okay.” He looked down at me and then over at my brother before moving aside to let us pass through the gate.

I could see through the large window along the kitchen that the house looked empty and let out a little breath before leaning around my brother to look at the driveway and saw that the car was gone, “They’re not home…” I leaned against Satori’s side, suddenly exhausted from all of the building anxiety that just vanished in releaf. “That means now I’ll be alone until dinner. I can get myself together by then and just… I don’t know what I’ll do but I can figure it out.” Satori wrapped his arm around me again and held me up. “You won’t be alone. We don’t have anything going on today right Ushi? We can stay for dinner.” Ushijima nodded once as we all headed into the empty house. I smiled softly and rubbed my eyes sleepily, “Fine. But I’m gonna take a nap. I don’t know how you guys do it… I have zero energy.” My brother looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it and let me go as soon as we were inside. I moved under his arms and went up to my room to change into more comfortable clothes and lay down on my bed, quickly falling asleep.

I woke in the afternoon to the smell of cooking and a knock on the door, “Sayaka, you brother has sent me for you. Lunch is ready.” I could hear his footsteps moving away from my door. I sat up, rubbing my eyes a little and let out a small sigh before swinging off of my bed and scuffing my feet to follow. It was clear that Ushijima didn’t have siblings, _he didn’t even stick around to know that I was up_ , I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes. He was already in the dining room with my brother when I hit the last step of the stairs. “What did you cook? It smells edible.”

He laughed softly, “Some Salmon, with rice and spinach. And if you’re nice to me maybe I’ll reach up and grab mom’s dark chocolate for you. Shrimpy.” He poked my forehead gently as he passed me on his way back into the kitchen to finish gathering things to eat. I smiled softly and followed him to grab drinks. “... Thank you.” It always made me so happy that my brother rarely treated me any differently, he hardly ever tiptoed around me. I followed him back into the dining room with drinks and we settled into a comfortable silence to eat. “What do you want to do after lunch Saya?” I looked up at my brother and shrugged a little. “It’s nice outside. I know you can’t go long without even touching a volleyball. I’m no good but we can go out back and pass it around like we used to.” He shook his head a little. “Is that what you want to do? Don’t think about what you think I want to do. Because I want to do whatever it is you want to do.”

I looked back down at my food, thinking. What did I want to do? “Video games… I think I want to play some video games.” I nodded and looked up again with a little smile “but I’ve gotten better at Mario Kart, so be ready to get your ass kicked!” I stuck my tongue out at him and helped clear the table when we were done eating, rushing off to the kitchen with the plates before he could come up with a witty comeback or some other remark. He followed after me with his own things and leaned on the counter after putting them in the sink. “Okay, then what do we do for snacks? Because we can’t have a video game day without snacks. Mom’s chocolate is a given, but we can’t just have that.”

“Popcorn?” Ushijima came in with the last of the dishes and set them in the sink with the rest of our things. I wrinkled my nose a little at the thought. “Only if we can slather it in butter and cheese.” He looked a little astonished at the idea and looked up at Satori for help. My brother laughed and reached over, resting a hand on the larger man's shoulder. “Don’t worry Ushi. I’ll make you your own bowl of bland popcorn.” He moved easily around the large kitchen and started making popcorn as I skipped off to the livingroom to set up our gaming console, “Ushijima-San, are you going to play too?!” I called over my shoulder as I pulled out controllers. He stood in the archway between the livingroom and kitchen looking mildly uncomfortable. “I don’t know…”

“It’s easy, Satori and I can show you! Come on, we can play one race as we wait for snacks.” I finished setting everything up and handed a controller over to him when he moved around to sit stiffly on the couch. I smiled and tucked my legs under myself, getting comfortable. I let him read the ‘how to play’ that came up on the screen, and let him pick the course that we would race. “Don’t feel bad if you lose. I’ve had a lot of time to practice this game without Satori home.” I smiled over at the still stiffly sitting man as the screen loaded before the race. “You can relax a little, you know. No one here is going to yell at you if you slouch or put your feet on the sofa.”

“Leave him be Saya, that’s how he is!” My brother yelled to us over the popcorn, “I’m surprised he’s even playing honestly!” At that Ushijima smirked a little and leaned forward on his knees, the beeping on the TV counting down to that start of the race. I turned back to the screen quickly before I missed the start and was surprised to see that Ushijima seemed to already know what he was doing. As we raced I moved from sitting to kneeling, getting into it and yelling at the TV a few times. Satori came in with two bowls of popcorn and a bag of the good chocolates that our mom saved for special occasions, and stopped in his tracks as he witnessed Ushijima beat me in the game I was best at.

“Ushi… WHAT?!” My brother lept over the couch without dropping anything and put them on the coffee table before rounding on his best friend in confusion, “How… How do you know how to play Mario Kart?!” Ushijima, stone faced as ever, held the controller up to Satori and shrugged as he replied. “Semi has made me play a few times.” My brother took the controller and flopped onto the couch between us, shaking his head as he started to set up the next race. “Heh, Semi-semi… leave it to him to teach you how to play video games…” He slouched back into the couch so he was almost laying down and pulling his hood up. I smiled and settled back into my own spot. “Just goes to show, anyone can be good at games I guess…” And we spent the afternoon racing, snacking, and yelling excitedly. It was a day well spent bonding and having fun, something that our home was lacking growing up.

The door slammed shut as our mother came home from work and I instantly paled and practically threw the controller down as the tall, middle aged women with harsh and piercing dark eyes rounded the corner. She crossed her arms at the not-mess of her living room as her eyes scanned over us with pursed lips. “Satori, I didn’t know you would be home this weekend. Or that you would be bringing a friend. Don’t be rude, introduce us. I raised you better than that.”

Ushijima stood from the couch and bowed formally to our mother. “Pleasure to meet you. My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi.” Satori squeezed my knee gently and stood, gathering the bowls from the popcorn before turning to our mother with a tight and forced smile. “I missed Saya so I figured I’d come for a visit. I didn’t realize I needed to call before I came home. I’m sorry mother, I can’t always keep up with all of the rules that change when I’m not living here.” He moved around her easily and into the kitchen to wash up from our afternoon of playing games. I stood slowly and moved towards Ushijima, as if standing near him would deter my mother from rounding on me next.

“And Sayaka, what have you done all day? You were supposed to start your new diet and you’ve been snacking?” I bristled under her gaze and looked down a little. “It was just popcorn… There’s almost nothing to it…” She huffed loudly. “Well that’s not on your meal plan, you shouldn’t have been having it at all! Now you’re going to need to be on the treadmill for an extra half an hour tonight to burn it off.” I nodded slowly and wrapped my arms around myself, looking away from her. I could never speak to her how my brother does, I always lost my voice in these moments.

“Lay off it mother. She’s fine. We went for a walk today, she doesn’t need to work out. It’s not like when I was in middle school and training for volleyball, she doesn't play sports or anything.” He came back in drying off his hands on a kitchen towel and leaning against the archway of the kitchen. “Now… We’ll just go out back and play with the volleyball, get out of your way so you can start dinner. We won’t be a bother any more.” He pushed off the wall and held a hand out towards Ushijima and I, motioning us to the back of the house. As if knowing I couldn’t move of my own volition, Ushijima rested his hand between my shoulders, guiding me forward and away from the vile woman that gave me life.

Once outside it was like I could take a full breath again. I practically gasped for air as Ushijima led me to sit on the steps of the patio that lead to a small grass area. Satori moved around us to pick up his old Volleyball before spinning around on one leg and falling to the ground on his back to look up at the sky with a loud sigh. “I’m sorry you had to see that Ushi.” Ushijima said nothing as he sat on the steps with me and watched my brother. I hugged my knees a little and rested my chin on them, picking at my fingers again. “Satori, you realize… You’re probably going to have to sneak me food right? She’s probably going to cut my portions at dinner…” He looked over at us and nodded a little. “Yeah. I figured as much. But I don’t want you to worry about that okay?” I hugged my legs a little more and nodded into my knees. All of the fun and noise of the afternoon was gone, left in its place was a hard coldness settling in my stomach that made me want to be sick.

I had zoned out, leaning against Ushijima for warmth when we were called inside by our father to wash up for dinner. He was shorter than our mother but scrawny built like Satori and I, his eyes were warm and I often found myself wondering how someone like him ended up with someone like our mother. I stood on wobbly legs and let myself be guided inside. Ushijima bowed politely to our father and introduced himself the same way he had to our mother before we all settled quietly around the dinner table.

As predicted, my plate was much less full than anyone else's and I sat back a little to hide myself between Ushijima and my brother who sat on either side of me. “So Satori, tell us. How is school going? You don’t call, you don’t write. It’s like you’ve kicked us out of your life.” That was the invitation my brother needed. He leaned forward a little to better block me from mothers view, going into a full on, over the top explanation about only how volleyball was going in a way that only he could, and I watched as Ushijima started moving some of his still untouched food onto my plate. Father was too busy reading over his papers from work to see any of this happen and only hummed occasionally to show that he was at least pretending to listen.

Ushijima nodded his head forward a little, indicating that I start eating before anyone notices that I suddenly have more food. And I smiled softly at him before doing so. Satori leaned back a little when he heard me start eating, but continued his animated talking to keep mother distracted enough to not notice. That’s how dinner went, and though I didn’t eat everything I did have more than I normally would thanks to my brother and his best friend being my body guards.

They lingered after dinner to be sure that I wasn’t forced to do any hard exercise, waiting until it was nearly school curfew before leaving. I locked myself in my room before my mother could round on me and pretended to be asleep. This is how my nights and weekends were going to go from now on, I just knew it. I would have to start locking myself in my room until my parents left for work, sneak out of my room for food, and be back in my room before they got home. If asked, I already knew I could say I was studying for entrance exams that would be coming up soon enough.

* * *

“Saya, sweetie you have a package. Did you order something?” My father knocked gently on my door one night, a few weeks after I had run away to my brother. I looked up from my studying confused and went to open my door slowly. “No… I got something in the mail?” He smiled softly and nodded, holding the box out to me, “Don’t study too hard okay? Mom should be home from work soon so be sure to take a break for dinner.” I nodded stiffly and took the box from him before closing and locking my door again and going back to my desk. I sat and looked at the package curiously, not recognizing the hand writing on the address before opening it to find it was filled with mostly different kinds of fancy chocolate and other snacks. There was a note at the bottom and I picked it up carefully, setting the box aside.

_Sayaka,_

_I am sending this on behalf of your brother. He said that these are some of your favorites._

_Please call him, he won’t say it outloud but I can tell he is worried about you._

_Please enjoy these snacks._

_\- Ushijima Wakatoshi_

I turned the note over, baffled, before reaching for my phone to facetime my brother and hoped that he wasn’t at practice. He answered quickly and smiled happily at his phone. “A fair princess calls! To what do I owe the pleasure of your call my dearest sister?” I laughed softly and set my phone against the back of my desk, holding the box of goodies up for him to see.

“Did you know about this?” His eyes widened a little and he lowered his phone enough that I could see he was in the gym, “I’m sorry! Did I interrupt practice?” I put the box down and reached for my phone to hang up when I heard him sniffle a little “Satori…?” His face was back and his eyes were already getting puffy from holding in tears as he shook his head and started walking. “Ushi…” His voice sounded strained and all I could see on the screen was darkness and hear the rustling of shirt fabric as my brother hugged Ushijima. I sat back smiling softly and curling up in my desk chair, letting them have a moment. “She got the snacks?” I heard his deep voice ask, still only seeing his shirt because Satori hadn’t let him go yet.

“Yes I did. Thank you Ushijima-san!” I heard him chuckle softly as Satori moved away from him and held his phone back up, rubbing at his eyes a little and laughing to himself, nervously. “I’m glad to see you’re okay kiddo.” He sniffed a little and took a breath, trying to calm down. “We have the start of nationals this weekend, think you can sneak away and watch us play? I’ll pay for your ticket and I can ask the coach if you can stay with us.”

“What about mom and dad?” I pulled my knees up and hugged my legs anxiously, resting my chin on them and watching him. “I’d love to come watch you play. I just… It’s finally starting to calm down a little here now that I just don’t leave my room when mom’s home. And I have exams coming up…” I picked up my pen again, playing with it a little. He rolled his eyes at me, “Don’t stress about all of that. I’ll handle mother and father. And I’m sure you’re studied up enough to get into any school you want. So what do you say? Come watch your older brother play in his last tournament?”

“Fine, I’ll come watch you play.” I sighed dramatically and then laughed a little, hugging my legs again and hiding my smile in my knees. “Just let me know what the plan is and how many outfits I need to pack.” He nodded and smiled happily. “Can do. I have to get back to practice now but I love you. I’ll let you know the details as soon as I know. Talk soon.” I waved as the screen went black and smiled at the box of goodies next to me before throwing myself back into my studies, pretending to be asleep when my mother got home so I wouldn't have to face her and have dinner with her and dad.

I got a text from my brother as I was sneaking back into my room later that night, after my parents had gone to bed, a plate filled with real food for dinner.

**Satori** : All set to join us. Be ready Friday night, Ushi and I will come pick you up around dinner. Pack for 4 days and bring layers. It’s getting cold out! And something for the long bus ride! Love you kiddo <3

I smiled at my phone and rolled my eyes at his gentle overbearingness before sitting at my desk to eat.

**Me** : Can do. I’ll start packing tonight and I’ll plan on bringing some school work and a game or something for the ride. Thank you Satori <3

My phone went quiet after that and I finished eating before doing what I said. I dragged a duffle bag out of my closet and started digging through my not-school clothes, looking for something comfortable but kind of cute. I packed according to his specifications and set aside a travel outfit before crawling into bed for the night. Two more days of school and I’d be gone for the weekend.

The time passed like a blink of the eye. I was hiding away in my room like always when my phone started to ring, “hello?”

“Hey it’s me. We’re just about there, are you ready?” It was Satori, I smiled softly and started to get up, grabbing my things. “Yeah. I’ll meet you out front?”

“Sounds like a plan, kiddo. See you soon.” He hung up and I double checked that I packed all of my chargers and essentials before pulling my jacket on and leaving my room. I looked both ways from the door before creeping down the stairs as quietly as I could. I was already slipping my shoes on when I was spotted by my father.

“We already know you’re going to your brother's games. His coach called and talked to us about it. Why didn’t you say you wanted to go watch him play? We would have taken you.” He looked down at me, sadness evident in his eyes. There was a knock on the door and I jumped a little. “I’m sorry dad… Can we talk about that later? I just… I didn’t want to bother you and mom. I know you’re both so busy.” I finished shoving my feet into my shoes and fixed myself before heading to the door. My dad nodded a little, looking down. “Well… Have fun then. And be safe. Don’t give the coach a hard time, or bother your brother. They’re probably stressed as it is.” I nodded back. “Thanks dad. I’ll see you when I get back.” I opened the door and smiled up at the two players in front of me. The bus was parked along the curb beside them and I blinked a little before looking up at Satori in confusion.

He laughed softly at my expression as Ushijima took my duffle and walked back to the bus. Satori slung an arm carefully around my shoulder and marched me forward, “yeah, we’re leaving for Tokyo now. Don’t worry, we have another pitstop for dinner soon, and I packed snacks!” I pulled my hood up slowly and pressed a little closer to him as we made our way on to the bus. He stopped us at the front, arm still around my shoulder. “Everyone, this is my younger sister Sayaka. She’s very shy but please watch out for her on this trip okay?” I bowed to the bus as everyone called out greetings and let Satori guide me to a seat. I settled against the window and curled my legs up, trying to be small and out of the way.

Goshiki turned in his seat in front of us and smiled at me. “Are you excited to see your brother play Saya-Chan?” I could tell he was trying her to keep his voice from getting too loud and excited. I looked at my brother before turning to smile softly at Goshiki with a little nod. He returned my smile with a small one of his own before settling back in his seat for the long ride to Tokyo. As promised there was a pit stop for food, I indulged my brother by eating almost anything he put on my plate. After I had started locking myself in my room for meals my appetite had really grown compared to what it had been when I snuck into my brother's school, even though it had only been about a month but that didn’t mean I was a bottomless pit like he was.

Back on the bus I pulled my Nintendo Switch out and curled up in my seat to start playing Mario Kart. Goshiki turned around again to ask something of my brother but saw the game in my hands, “you play video games? What do you play?” I looked up at him quickly before looking back down at my game as the race started, “mostly just Mario Kart. But I have Animal Crossing too. And Pokemon Shield.” I stuck my tongue out in concentration as I raced.

“Did you need something Goshiki?” Satori looked up from his manga and drew the younger players attention away from me. “Oh, I was gonna ask… What’s Tokyo like? I’ve never left Miyagi…” Satori started telling Goshiki all about the last time they had gone to nationals and I tuned them out, eventually falling asleep on the five and a half hour ride into Tokyo. My brother woke me up, shaking me carefully, “Saya, we’re here. Time to get off the bus. We’ve got an early morning ahead of us.” I grumbled softly as I got up and followed him off the bus, leaning on him and rubbing my face into his arm a little to try and get the sleep out of my eyes.

I had a room to myself in the hotel, it was next to the team's room so I wasn’t far away but I was alone. I smiled as I layed out my futon and got ready for bed, hearing the team on the other side of the wall talking about strategy and what the plan was going into the first day of the tournament. It was soothing and I fell asleep quickly with a little smile on my face. The next morning I was woken up to my brother banging on my door, “Sayaka, time to get up! We need to get to the arena for warm ups!” I groaned loudly so he knew I was awake before climbing out of bed and shuffling to get dressed. Whoever decided mornings would be so early or come so quickly needed to take a long walk of a short pier.

I was just finishing pulling my hair up when he knocked again. “Come on Saya, we don’t have all day.” I grabbed my bag and opened the door, scowling up at him, “I’m ready! What about you? You only have on one sock and you don’t have your bag. Stop chastising me when you’re not ready yourself!” I huffed at him and crossed my arms. He laughed a little and rolled his eyes before walking back to the team room to finish getting his things together. I leaned against the wall waiting, arms still crossed. Ushijima came to stand with me quietly, court side bag and duffle waiting at our feet for the rest of the team to be finished. I could feel the electricity in the air and felt like today was going to be a good day.

Once everyone was ready, I followed the team to the arena that they would play in. “Saya, go find a good seat okay? Keep your phone on you and I’ll come find you once our game is over. Be sure to cheer loud for us okay?” I nodded and hugged my brother quickly before waving the team off and running to find a good seat behind the school's banner. I had been right about it being a good day, they had advanced to the next round. And they kept advancing, making it as far as the top 3 before they lost. I watched as my brother's one refuge from our home life was taken away from him. It was crushing to say the least and I ran down the stairs to the sub arena area to find the team. 

When I did, I threw my arms around Satori and hugged him hard with tears in my eyes. “Satori, that was amazing. You played so well. You guys deserved to win.” He hugged me back with a dry chuckle. “I already did win Saya. I got too have you watch me play, and I played my best. We all did, the other team was just that much better.” There were mumbles of agreements and sniffles from the team as the weight of losing really started to settle over them. Coach Washijoo clapped his hands together a little, getting everyone's attention. “Come on now, we have a long ride ahead of us. 100 Serves from everyone when we get back, I don’t want to hear any complaining or I’ll make it 200.” He turned and started walking away, not waiting to see if he would be followed. The team finished gathering their things and followed him to the warm up rooms so they would be out of the way as they waited for the award ceremony.

I went with them, staying close to my brother and Ushijima, head down and wishing I could have watched them play one more game. It was with a heavy heart that I returned to the stands for the awards, watching the team with their different expressions as they accepted their third place with heads held high and some tears in their eyes. And then on the bus, where it all came unravelling completely. Some were sobbing, others were cursing themselves for not being better. It was a strange time for me to come to this realization but I felt at home, surrounded by these people that I didn’t know, and it was then that I made my decision about a part of my future. I wanted to attend Shitatorizawa, I wanted to be the manager of the volleyball team, and I wanted to be with this team when they went back to Nationals and took home first place.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I would like to take this time to thank my Beta - Mana, she has heard me talk about this story for at least a month now and gone back and forth with me on some of the head cannon's I had to flush out the ideas.
> 
> Now on a more serious note, though it's a harsh over dramatization a lot of these feelings are things that I have personally gone through when it comes to my relationship with my mother and my own body. So if you're going to comment about anything, please keep in mind that there is a real person behind the screen and the words who's own personal experience has influenced how this story came out. Not everyone's journey is the same.
> 
> Keep your head up lovely, remember you're someone's reason to smile <3


End file.
